i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
