Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
