I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
