She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
