Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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