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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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