I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
