omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
