They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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