i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize