i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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