At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
