If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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