i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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