oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
