didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
