Yo dont text me then not text me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
