It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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