is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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