i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize