Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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