New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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