Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
