If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
