Jerry, you need to find god
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
