i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
