Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
