Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
