Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
