bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
