I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
