Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
