dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize