The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
