You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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