I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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