i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
