wat bout pragnant strippers??
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
