Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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