why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
