Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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