Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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