so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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