How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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