Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
