I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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