I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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