the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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