I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
