I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
