Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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