i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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