If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
