Already got asked if we're dating
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
