What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
