somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
