i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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