1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize