We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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