If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
