she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
