Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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