He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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