btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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