Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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