I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
