no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
