I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
