she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
