I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
3 2 1 whiskey
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
