My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize