He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
