Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
