the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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