shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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