She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
last night I used snow as a chaser
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