Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
