I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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