and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
