Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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  (901): Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome. http://tfl.nu/dlib
  Replies (23) Good night (1677) Bad night (3317)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef

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  (307): burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef http://tfl.nu/mi4v
  Replies (33) Good night (6939) Bad night (870)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Sacagawea was the original milf.

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  (952): Sacagawea was the original milf. http://tfl.nu/8vpz
  Replies (39) Good night (5278) Bad night (960)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.

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  (978): You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober. http://tfl.nu/95jv
  Replies (13) Good night (4001) Bad night (1138)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song

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  (804): i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song http://tfl.nu/watz
  Replies (29) Good night (4137) Bad night (1326)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.

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  (903): I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission. http://tfl.nu/3lm1
  Replies (19) Good night (3339) Bad night (1026)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life

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  (775): I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life http://tfl.nu/gkf7
  Replies (1) Good night (1537) Bad night (900)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.

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  (248): My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work. http://tfl.nu/6xpg
  Replies (8) Good night (611) Bad night (1177)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents

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  (613): he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents http://tfl.nu/5ltr
  Replies (1) Good night (520) Bad night (761)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.

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  (479): Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question. http://tfl.nu/6lny
  Replies (6) Good night (903) Bad night (424)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I just blew my weed a kiss

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  (828): I just blew my weed a kiss http://tfl.nu/vers
  Replies (6) Good night (1079) Bad night (457)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me

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  (970): my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me http://tfl.nu/zptz
  Replies (1) Good night (745) Bad night (387)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE

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  (785): SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE http://tfl.nu/zmng
  Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (349)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS

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  (513): DIBS ON THE NEW GUY. (504): NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS http://tfl.nu/z4ea
  Replies (1) Good night (700) Bad night (225)
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  (805): View more from California

  Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.

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  (805): Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night. http://tfl.nu/49d4
  Replies (3) Good night (453) Bad night (194)

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