If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
one two three fourrrrnication!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's official drugs can't kill me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.