Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
