as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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